http://www.sportzfuel.com/ haven’t updated my challenge since Thursday! That is very bad of me. I keep track of my food in a little notebook, so I will translate that into my challenge data graphic and upload those before the end of the day. I will indeed.
So, I feel like, as always there is always something happening that is keeping me from focusing on my weight loss efforts. In the past two years since I’ve been blogging its always been something. Planning for stuff for my non-profit job, stressed about situation at said job, leaving job, stressed about current self-employment, moving, settling in, having visitors, holidays, this election, upcoming travel and then more impending holidays.
As I write this, I noticed that my makeup mirror was pointed downward. I gasp at what I saw. Something I don’t see very often. My lump of back fat protruding out of my back like a boob. Back boobs. I know thats not very self loving of me, but seriously I have back boobs and its not cool. Among other things.
I don’t feel like my eating has been horrible, but I have been just getting by lately, trying to stay within my calories. I feel like I’m struggling to keep up with everything. I know logically that these are all excuses and I need to put my health in the first priority position.
Sometimes I have an image in my head of my ideal self. A version that is very far from reality. I get serious about weight loss, stop skipping from diet plan to diet plan, I make exercise a priority and I actually get consistent about weight loss.
I get comments and emails from people telling me how inspiration this blog is or how motivating it is and I don’t know where that comes from? Losing weight is a struggle for me every single day. I go over and over and analyze what I’m doing right and wrong all the time. Sometimes I worry that when people read this they are thinking about all of the things I’m doing wrong. I get caught up in the right way to lose weight and it never happens. I think weight loss has a lot of gray area, but I really know that I need to get more black and white with my thinking.
I’ve normalized obesity. I’ve normalized eating bad food all the time. I’ve normalized behaviors that are not conducive for a healthy lifestyle. I can’t help but to tell myself: stop fucking around, this is serious. You don’t want to keep living in the sidelines of life. You don’t want to get diabetes, which you will if you don’t change now. You don’t want to keep feel the shame, and the distance you create around yourself because of your weight.